The Reminder is making its archives back to 2003 available on our website. Please note that, due to technical limitations, archive articles are presented without the usual formatting.
Some cute one-liners: I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and think, "Well, that's not going to happen!" Health nuts are going to feel awful stupid when someday they find themselves lying in a hospital dying of nothing! Have you noticed that since everyone it seems, has a camcorder in their cars these days, that there are fewer people talking about UFO sightings than there used to be? Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again. Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200 and a substantial tax cut save you 30 cents? In the '60s people took acid to make the world weird. Nowadays the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it seem normal. How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire and yet it takes a whole box of them to start one campfire? Doctors can be so frustrating! You wait a month and a half for an appointment and when you get in there to see him, he says, "I wish you'd have come to see me sooner!" You read about all these terrorists: most of them came here legally but they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10 years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster; you are two days late with a video and those people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of immigration! The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but the fly does come close! Uncle George bought a parrot at an auction after some very heavy bidding. "Now are you sure this bird can talk?' he asked the auctioneer. "Talk?" replied the auctioneer; "He has been bidding against you for the past half hour!" Mark Twain warned, "Be careful about reading health books, you may die of a misprint." The trouble with people who don't have much to say is that you have to listen to them for a long time to find out. The trouble with some people is that they lack the power of conversation but not the power of speech. Paperwork is the embalming fluid of bureaucracy, maintaining an appearance of life where none exists! Our new coffee table was hand carvedÉ by our cat. Cats don't caress usÉ they caress themselves on us. The real measure of a day's heat is the length of a sleeping cat. The problem with cats is that they get the same look on their face whether they see a moth or an axe murdered. If Darwin's theory of evolution were correct, cats would be able to operate a can opener by now! Have a great weekend!
