The Reminder is making its archives back to 2003 available on our website. Please note that, due to technical limitations, archive articles are presented without the usual formatting.
"I am a woman of few words," said the haughty mistress to the new maid. "If I beckon with my finger I mean 'come'." "I am a woman of few words, too," replied the maid. "If I shake my head I mean I ain't comin!" Clerk: "Here's a pretty card with a lovely sentiment: 'To the only girl I ever loved' ." Sailor: "Good, I'll take twelve of them!" Boy: "No mister, I don't want to sell my trout!" Angler: "Well, just let me measure him so I can truthfully tell the gang in the city how big the trout was that got away from me!" Prospective landlady: "How do you like the room as a whole?" Prospective tenant: "As a hole it's fine, as a room it's not so good!" It is an accepted law of ethics that punishment in the Court of Conscience unlike that in the Courts of Law, lessens with each repeated and unrebuked offense! When pressed for a simple explanation of his theory of relativity, Einstein once replied: "Do you know the difference between holding your best girl on your lap for a minute and holding a hot ember in your hand for the same length of time? That's relativity!" An accused criminal smirked up at Lord Bacon, who as chancellor, was trying his case. "Your highness really ought to let me free. We're kin, you know, for my name's Hogg and Hogg's kin to Bacon!" Dryly Bacon replied, "Not until it's hung!" Patient: "What are my chances?" Doctor: "Well, don't start any continued stories!" The only thing that gives me more for my money than it did ten years ago is the loonie I put in the scale at the corner drugstore! The clergyman was preparing his sermon. His daughter was watching him. "Daddy," she asked, "Does God tell you what to say?" "Of course child," the father answered. "Why do you ask?" "Then why do you scratch some of it out?" "I thought the doctor told you to stop all drinks!" "You don't see any getting by me, do you?" "What would you do if you were in my shoes?" "Polish them!" Two hunters had been out in the woods for several hours and one of them was growing uneasy. Finally panic over came him. "We're lost!" he exclaimed. "Take it easy," said his friend, "just shoot an extra deer and the game warden will be here in a minute and a half!" An optimist is a new bridegroom planning on how he will spend his next paycheck. Doctor: "I don't like your husband's looks!" Wife: "Neither do I but he's good to the children!" ***** Keep smiling. It makes everyone wonder what you've been up to!
