The Reminder is making its archives back to 2003 available on our website. Please note that, due to technical limitations, archive articles are presented without the usual formatting.
November is Domestic Violence Protection Month. What if someone you know is being abused? They need the abuse to stop. They need information and support to make their own decisions. Admitting to and breaking free from abuse can be extremely difficult, also dangerous. No one should have to struggle with this alone. An abused woman needs our support and encouragement in order to make choices that are right for her. What can you do specifically? Believe her. Listen to her and take her abuse seriously. Ask her to clarify what you can't understand. Give her clear messages: violence is never okay; the safety of her and her children are most important; she does not cause the abuse; she is not crazy; she is not to blame for her partner's abuse; apologies and promises will not stop the abuse. Talk with the woman about what she can do for her and her children's safety, and allow her to make her own decisions. Respect her decisions and don't judge her. Resist the urge to give advice. Giving advice tends to take away her power. This is what her batterer does; she doesn't need you to do that. Instead encourage her to regain confidence in herself and her own abilities to make choices. Be honest with her, and let her know how you can and cannot help. Recognize that it can be very difficult for a woman to seek the help of community professionals and that she may feel intimidated, embarrassed or afraid. Offer to accompany or drive her if it would be of assistance, but do not make her feel coerced. Let her make her own appointments. It is normal that you may find it difficult to hear about abuse and the atrocities a woman may have face. Being supportive to a friend or family member who is being abused requires a large investment of time and emotional energy. It is important that you deal with your own needs and feelings as you assist an abused woman. Some suggestions are: - gather information about woman abuse for yourself so that you can have a better understanding of what the woman is going through; - find someone you can talk to that will respect the need for confidentiality; - be aware of woman abuse issues in your community and take action in ways that are appropriate for you; - do not take responsibility for a woman's ability to end the violence in her life, the decision is hers and hers alone; - understand that a woman may decide not to leave her partner or may delay leaving until she has the resources she needs; - if you see or hear a woman being assaulted or threatened, call the RCMP Ð it is a crime; - take breaks and spend some time rejuvenating yourself as necessary. The most important thing you can do to help an abused woman is respect her right to confidentiality and do not put her at risk. Confronting a woman's partner could put her in danger or sabotage her safety planning and survival skills, as well as plans to leave.
