The Reminder is making its archives back to 2003 available on our website. Please note that, due to technical limitations, archive articles are presented without the usual formatting.
Slowly, the mist lifts. The clouded crystal ball becomes clear. The sheep entrails on the rug coalesce into a discernable pattern. The ouija board sorts itself out. A new year begins. 1. The Vancouver Canucks will win the Western Conference of the National Hockey League. 2. The first big mistake of Paul Martin's reign was his dumb statement that he plans to stay at 24 Sussex Drive until he is 75. You won't be the one to decide that, buster. We, the great unwashed, will. 3. Diane Keaton will win an Academy Award for her perfect performance in Something's Gotta Give, where Jack Nicholson playsÑwho else?Ñbut Jack. 4. Bernard Lord would never work as leader of the new almost-Conservative party. Doesn't have any presence, and wouldn't fly in Western Canada. You can't establish a power base from New Brunswick. 5. There are a lot of powerful people who are growing nervous. The big book for 2004 will be Peter C. Newman's memoirs, which he has just finished polishing in London, his current residence. He knows where all the bodies are buried and, undoubtedly, will unearth too many of them for the chaps who lunch at the Toronto Club, Conrad Black being among them. 6. The next president of the Excited States of America will be George Dubya Bush. 7. The Toronto Maple Leafs will win the Eastern Conference of the NHL. 8. The first failure of the Martin front bench will be deputy minister Anne McLellanÑwho is there only because she is the chief Lone Liberal Ranger in Alberta. She is very bright, but has established in her ministries so far that she is chippy and condescending to the fragmented Pizza Parliament opposite her. Those opposite her will get her in revenge. 9. The successor to MartinÑwhich will come long before his 75th birthdayÑwill be either Frank McKenna, Brian Tobin or Allan Rock. McKenna, who knows his previous New Brunswick premiership doesn't give him a power base for political funds, strangely enough now works out of a Bay Street lawyers gang andÑsurpriseÑis now fill-in chairman of the Asper's CanWest to give himself a Prairie profile. TobinÑknowing he can't mount a power base from his Newfoundland premiershipÑhas ÑsurpriseÑmoved into plush Rosedale in Toronto, home of everyone where the cocktails flow. 10. The disaster of the last Chretien cabinet was John McCallum, formerly bright McGill professor and Royal Bank economist who for some ineffable reason was made Defence Minister and confessed he had never heard of Dieppe and confused Vimy Ridge with the Vichy regime in France. As a reward, Martin has given him the portfolio of Minister of Veterans Affairs, where he has about the same interest as I do about dominoes. 11. Howard Dean frightens his Democratic establishment just about as much as the Republicans delight in hoping he will be the Democrats' candidate in November. When his terrified colleagues deny him the nomination by drafting Hillary Clinton, he will run for the White House as an Independent. See 'Vote' P.# Con't from P.# Just as two-time president Teddy Roosevelt did in 1912, running against his fellow-Republican William Howard Taft and splitting the vote enough to elect Woodrow Wilson. Just as the egomaniac Ralph Nader stole enough votes away from Al Gore to ensure that DubyaÑwith all those hanging chadsÑgot the nod despite having fewer votes than the clumsy Al. 12. Jean Chretien will not get the $50,000 he wants for his post-PM speeches. 13. If the South Korean businessmen who are offering $2 million winner-gets-all pull off their crazy dream of having a re-run of the Seoul Olympics 100-metre finalÑBen Johnson of course is eager to runÑit will be revealed that eight of the 10 finalists were also walking pharmacies. 14. The entire fate of the supposedly rising NDP depends on the media-wise Jack Layton who insists on running in the spring election in his Toronto-Danforth seat that he has held provincially, against Liberal MP Dennis, who desperately tried to fend off Layton by staging that hokum Rolling Stones concert, where the lads walked away with $1 million and most of the workers didn't get paid. 15. Canucks will beat Leafs for the Stanley. Hockey returns to Canada. X x x QUOTE OF 2003 THAT WILL LAST THROUGH 2004. "I made 50 million bucks yesterday. That's a flameout I could get used to."ÑConrad Black, replying to Toronto reporters questioning him, on his book launch of his 1,280-page book on FDR, on the fact Hollinger shares zoomed on the news of him resigning as Hollinger International CEO.
