The Reminder is making its archives back to 2003 available on our website. Please note that, due to technical limitations, archive articles are presented without the usual formatting.
An accountant visited the Natural History museum. While standing near the dinosaur he said to his neighbour, ÒThis dinosaur is two billion years and 10 months oldÓ. ÒWhere did you get such exact information?Ó ÒI was here 10 months ago, and the guide told me that the dinosaur is two billion years old.Ó * * * A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. To his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was, and greeted him warmly. Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line, and into a comfortable chair by his desk. The lawyer said, ÒI donÕt mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?Ó St. Peter replied, ÒWell, IÕve added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 193 years old!Ó * * * Some signs youÕre watching a bad monster movie: The monster comes to New York, takes in a matinee of ÒJersey BoysÓ and leaves... He doesnÕt eat people Ð he just licks them... It tortures people by showing slides from its trip to the Poconos... The monster shows up and FEMA doesnÕt send help for three days... ItÕs entitled ÒPhantom of the OprahÓ... The beast with a disfigured face? Joan Rivers... The monsterÕs power? He stops you from saving 15 per cent or more on car insurance... After taunting city for hours, tearful monster is led away by Dr. Phil... * * * Some ideas George W. Bush has to stimulate his countryÕs economy: Send troops to invade U.S. Mint... Oprah gives everybody a new car... Turn Grand Canyon into a giant national ÒHave a penny, leave a pennyÓ jar... Dick Cheney threatens to shoot treasury secretary in the face... Replace Federal Reserve chairman Ben Bernanke with briefcase babes from ÒDeal or No DealÓ... * * * More funny bumper stickers: Of all the things IÕve lost I miss my mind the most! My karma ran over my dogma Chicken Little was right! WeÕre spending our kidÕs inheritance Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear Very Funny! runs Fridays.
