The Reminder is making its archives back to 2003 available on our website. Please note that, due to technical limitations, archive articles are presented without the usual formatting.
A teacher in Atlanta asked her students to write the words to their favorite Christmas carols. Here are some of the humorous lines she received: ÒDeck the Halls with Buddy HollyÓ ÒWe three kings of porridge and tarÓ ÒOn the first day of Christmas my tulip gave to meÓ ÒLater on weÕll perspire, as we dream by the fireÓ ÒHeÕs makinÕ a list, chicken and riceÓ ÒNoel. Noel, BarneyÕs the king of IsraelÓ ÒWith the jelly toast proclaimÓ ÒOlive, the other reindeerÓ ÒFrosty the Snowman is a ferret elf, I sayÓ ÒSleep in heavenly peasÓ ÒIn the meadow we can build a snowman, then pretend that he is sparse and brownÓ ÒYouÕll go down in ListerineÓ ÒOh, what fun it is to ride with one horse, soap and hayÓ ÒO come, Froggy faithfulÓ * * * Some random lines to make you smile: The gene pool could use a little chlorine. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didnÕt. I donÕt suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it. DonÕt take life too seriously; no one gets out alive. YouÕre just jealous because the voices only talk to me. IÕm not a complete idiot Ð some parts are missing. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes. God must love stupid people; He made so many. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? Being Ôover the hillÕ is much better than being under it! Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up! I have a Degree in Liberal Arts. Do you want fries with that? A hangover is the wrath of grapes. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance. ÊStupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere! Ham and eggs: a dayÕs work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig. The trouble with life is thereÕs no background music. * * * Good reasons for guys to stay single: You wonÕt have to explain why youÕre wearing ÒthatÓ shirt with ÒthoseÓ pants... You can leave the toilet seat in any position you darn well please... YouÕll be painting the town instead of the house... You would have saved $372,416.21 in groceries by now... YouÕd get to see what your credit cards look like... Bachelors donÕt have mothers-in-law... * * * Reasons that God created Eve: God knew Adam would never go out and buy himself a new fig leaf when his wore out and would therefore need Eve to buy one for him. God knew that as Keeper of the Garden, Adam would never remember where he left his tools. God knew that one day Adam would require someone to locate and hand him the remote. God was worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the garden because he would not ask for directions. God knew Adam would never be able to make a doctorÕs, dentist, or haircut appointment for himself. God knew Adam would never remember which night to put the garbage on the curb. Very Funny! runs Fridays.
