The Reminder is making its archives back to 2003 available on our website. Please note that, due to technical limitations, archive articles are presented without the usual formatting.
We are a nation of blamers. We love to blame situations, circumstances, events and even ourselves for where we are in our lives. Blame allows you to avoid taking a necessary action Ð it gets you off the hook from acting responsibly. In terms of diet, it allows you to avoid focusing on controlling your weight Ð because thereÕs nothing you can do about it. Keep in mind, however, that one of the key characteristics of all successful weight-losers is their ability to avoid blaming and accept responsibility for whatever failures or setbacks trip them up along the road. One of the classic explanations for some people, letÕs call them externalizers, is blaming Òbad genes.Ó Another, newer one is that obesity is actually caused by a virus. But are these really valid arguments? Does a bad gene pool or a virus absolve you of responsibility for being overweight? Of course, there are people who insist that biology and/or nature both explain and excuse all good and bad behavior. But having this information can also lead to an entirely different conclusion. Once youÕre aware that you have a predisposition to obesity or diabetes, you can take responsibility for being cautious and chart a smarter, more healthful course of action. Too often, people define themselves as hopeless or lost before they begin. They use phrases like, ÒI canÕt do it so why try?Ó When someone like this, an internalizer, fails at a diet, he or she figures, ÒIÕm just not the sort of person who deserves to be in good shape, so I might as well get used to it.Ó What internalizers donÕt seem to understand is that Òbeing responsibleÓ is a very different thing from blaming oneself. Taking responsibility means being accountable to yourself. Self-blame means believing that everything is both your fault and beyond your power to control. The first is empowering and propels you forward; the second is counterproductive, depressing and a futile exercise in beating yourself up. Change Altering the language you use to tell your story and express your frustrations can help you change. Language shapes the way you view things, just as your view of things shapes the way you talk about them. It follows, therefore, that the words you use can influence the way you think. You need to listen to what youÕre saying when youÕre thinking or talking about yourself. If you find that youÕre making yourself the victim of other peopleÕs actions (e.g., ÒIf Harry hadnÕt taken me to that Italian restaurant, I wouldnÕt have been tempted to eat all that pasta.Ó), what you need to do is turn those sentences around so that you become the primary actor and cause of whatever it is thatÕs happening in your world. One way you can do that is by beginning your sentences with the word, ÒI.Ó Using ÒIÓ statements when discussing issues can help you transform your behavior affirmatively. For instance: ÒI know that I often overeat when IÕm in this situation.Ó State specifically what you may be doing wrong so that you can correct it, instead of blaming other people. When you put the word ÒmeÓ at the end of your sentence instead of putting ÒIÓ at the beginning, you confirm your passivity and helplessness and allow whatever negative pattern youÕre following to continue. Think what a difference it makes when you change, ÒMy boss is making life hell for me, which is why IÕm always into the bags of chips when I get homeÓ to ÒI choose to stay in this job despite the fact that my boss undermines my authority. I respond to this stress by coming home and eating unhealthy foods to make myself feel better.Ó One of the excuses I hear all the time is, ÒI am really busy, and I donÕt have the time to pay attention to the nutrient content of everything I put into my mouth.Ó Yes, you may be very busy, but you are doing yourself a disservice by offering this up as a reason for not eating properly.Ê Almost everybody these days lives a hectic lifestyle, but is that the real reason for your food choices? Busy people need to prioritize, especially when it comes to getting healthy by losing excess weight, so the truth of the situation might be closer to: ÒIÕm very busy. See 'Make' on pg. Continued from pg. I make choices every minute of every day, and right now, reviewing what I eat every day does not take priority over other matters in my life.ÓÊ That statement is honest and candid and lets you see that you can choose to Êmake a change. Write down five situations, events or circumstances that did not go according to plan in terms of your weight loss Ð whether or not you think they were your fault. Now go back and read through each one. When you get to the part about what went wrong or where the problem occurred and how it affected what and how you ate or your physical activity, rephrase it so that youÕre the one who is ultimately responsible. DonÕt place any blame on another person, luck or circumstances. Excuses are merely vehicles of blame, attempts to rationalize away responsibility for why things didnÕt go the way you wanted them to. The trouble is, some excuses appear so airtight that they allow you to talk yourself out of doing what you know you have to do. In fact, excuses work (just like blame works) to distance you from the uncomfortable consequences of failure; they insulate you from potential damage to your self-esteem. You need to bust those excuses. First, identify and write down your diet and exercise goals. Next, brainstorm and write down all the reasons you can think of for not working toward your goals. Remember to include your self-doubts, fears and insecurities Ð these are excuses, too. Be honest. Last, punch holes in your excuses until they are no longer airtight. Do this by coming up with counterarguments for every single excuse that you may have for NOT exercising Ð this is called Excuse Busting. HereÕs an example: EXCUSE: ItÕs raining outside, so I canÕt go for my morning run. EXCUSE BUSTER: First of all, IÕm not made of sugar, so I wonÕt melt. Second, I have a gym membership, so I can certainly head down there and run on the treadmill. Third, if IÕm going to be lazy and not go to the gym, I have an extensive library of fitness tapes right here at home. The rain isnÕt going to stop me! Charles Stuart Platkin is a nutrition and public health advocate, founder and editor of DietDetective.com.
