The Reminder is making its archives back to 2003 available on our website. Please note that, due to technical limitations, archive articles are presented without the usual formatting.
Airplane humour... A plane was taking off from Toronto. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom. "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight number 1193, non-stop from Toronto to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Not sit back and relaxÉOH MY GOD!" Silence followed, and after a few minutes the captain came back on the intercom. "Ladies and gentlemen, I am sorry if I scared you earlier, but while I was talking to you the flight attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled it in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!" A passenger in coach shouted, "That's nothing. He should see the back of mine!" * * * After every flight, the pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys any mechanical problems encountered during the flight that need repair or corrections. The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form on what remedial action was taken. The pilot then reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual gripe sheets (P = the problem logged by the pilot; S = the solution and action taken by the engineers)... P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tire. P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. P: Something loose in cockpit. S: Something tightened in cockpit. P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back order. P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on the ground. P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed. P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level. P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That is what they are there for. P: IFF Inoperative. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right. P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. P: Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious. P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed. P: Noise coming from under instrument panels. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. S: Took hammer way from midget. * * * Happy New Year, everyone! "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight number 1193, non-stop from Toronto to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Not sit back and relaxÉOH MY GOD!" Silence followed, and after a few minutes the captain came back on the intercom. "Ladies and gentlemen, I am sorry if I scared you earlier, but while I was talking to z After every flight, the pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys any mechanical problems encountered during the flight that need repair or corrections. The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form on what remedial action was taken. The pilot then reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual gripe sheets (P = the problem logged by the pilot; S = the solution and action taken by the engineers)... P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tire. P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. P: Something loose in cockpit. S: Something tightened in cockpit. P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back order. P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on the ground. P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed. P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level. P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That is what they are there for. P: IFF Inoperative. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right. P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. P: Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious. P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed. P: Noise coming from under instrument panels. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. S: Took hammer way from midget. * * * Happy New Year, everyone!
