When her mother’s mind started to wander and her actions seemed contrary to her earlier personality, Betty Dzioba could have got upset.
Instead she chose to look at the situation with humour.
“I would go to work and start telling them about the crazy things she’d do or say,” says Dzioba.
Dzioba, a former Flin Flonner now living in Winnipeg, is sharing her experiences in a new book called Not Ready to Go, Yet!
“It is a light-hearted look at aging and memory loss,” she says. “This is a time of great stress and many family and friends split up. The book looks at how some people have handled this in a way that makes everyone happy and gives them a laugh.”
Dzioba stresses that she doesn’t have any medical training and writes the book simply from her own experience or by sharing stories from people she’s met along the way.
Her hope is that people will read the book and will be able to get through the stress of caring for an ailing family member.
“You have to look at the lighter side of it,” Dzioba says. “Whatever it takes to keep you going to visit them in the home.
“You have to face this time with love and humour.”
Dzioba’s coworkers were surprised that the changes in her mother didn’t upset her, but she recalled her mother’s own experience to get her through.
When Dzioba was a teenager, her mom would sit with elderly and ailing people so their family could take a break. She’d then tell her children about her experiences.
“She told us that their personalities would switch overnight,” recalls Dzioba. “They’d become abusive and call people names, and their family would get really upset. But Mom would tell us that it’s not them anymore. They don’t even realize they are doing it.”
Dzioba drew on her mother’s words in caring for both of her parents.
“My dad went through it. He had mini strokes and it changed his personality,” she says. “We’d go to visit Mom and she didn’t know me at all. But it didn’t bother me one bit.”
By telling her loved ones what they wanted to hear and going along with the story that was playing out in their head, Dzioba was able to make light of a situation that can often pull families apart.
“As long as you can keep them happy, that’s all that matters. You just have to look on the lighter side,” she says.
Dzioba’s positive approach to assisting an aging loved one captured the attention of many of her friends.
Dzioba, whose maiden name was Hart, grew up in Flin Flon and then crisscrossed the country from Vancouver Island to Prince Edward Island.
Not Ready to Go, Yet! is available through McNally Robinson book stores.
